Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Uncategorized category.
Life is Beautiful.
by Vega4. Check it out. It’s a fabulous song.
I’m back, at least for today. I’m such a sporadic poster…it’s likely that I’ll dissapear again, but for now, I’m writing.
I’m not sure what to talk about, or what’s worth any words, so I just thought I’d say how beautitful and blessed life has been. I have an amazing family, composed of two loving parents and two caring sisters, plus the brother I acquired last summer. 
I’ve been able to gain a few really good friendships this year and have spent a lot of time doing things I enjoy. I’m starting to not be such a pessimist and have learned that miracles aren’t just people seeing the light when they almost die. Miracles are the sun coming up each morning, the good health my family and I have maintained through out the year, people still finding jobs in this economy, and inquistive children who teach me more about god and love then any adult ever has. I’ve come to realize that life isn’t about wasting your time worrying about yourself and your own issues, but making the time to do things for others.
My sister’s college graduation is tomorrow. I’m so proud of her I can hardly put it into words. Both of my sisters are my inspirations..my heros. They’ve accomplished so much, if only they knew.
Life is Beautiful.
Don’t ever wallow in your self pity, rejoice in another’s success and through that you will find your own happiness.
writing; is everything.
My parents asked to see what I write today. It was really surprising because my parents are not the type of people to do that. They don’t get into my face or read over my shoulder or anything. They know I’m a good kid, so they let me have my space. I got really upset when my dad asked. I asked him why it was his buisness, and trust me, you just don’t say that to my father.
He got mad, and explained that everything I do in life is his business and if I plan to hide anything from him, while I don’t need to write anymore. The whole argument was really unnecessary. On my part and on his. I guess I shouldn’t have gotten so upset, but then again, they should just trust me when I say I’m not writing anything bad or weird or anything. I’m just writing.
Writing is my outlet. It’s simply, my thing. I’ve done for as long as I can remember. I mean, I can remember being like four and five years old and I would illustrate these books and then write what was happening in each scene. I asked my mom once if I could be a writer. She told me if I wanted to, if I really wanted it, I could.
From that point on, writing became my everything. I wrote for fun, I wrote for school, I wrote poems, essays, short stories, novels, everything. I mostly loved to write stories. Novels in a sense but since I was never great at finishing them, basically stories. I loved when I got an idea, and it would stick, and everything I did all day that idea would linger in my mind until I could put it down on paper and slowly the idea would shape into a plot, and then an intense book.
I attempted to put my writing into a contest once. I lost. And I never did it again. Maybe, I’d hoped my writing was great and then when I got the rejection letter I realized it wasn’t. Or maybe I’d always known it wasn’t going to go very far and I’d just hoped. I really don’t know, but after that, I stopped writing. I never thought about it before, but subconciously I lost hope in myself. In the one thing I loved to do, I lost my passion for it.
And now I don’t do half as much as I used to. I look back at things I wrote and I’m critical and upset at how anyone would lie to me and tell me that these things were actually good. That I actually had a chance at making a statement and being unique. But regardless of how much I hate my writing, I still write. I write because its my thing, its been my thing, and I think there will always be a part of me that will want to write.
Back to my main point….I don’t let others read my writing. I had one friend, right before I submitted my story into the contest that I allowed to read my writing, and she told me it was amazing. I felt so proud that someone liked it as much as I did. I thought maybe I did have a chance, but since she was the only person I’d ever shown it to, I was still wary.
To this day that one friend is the only person I’ve shown my writing to. It’s mostly due to the fact that I believe my writing is personal. It’s like an extension of myself on paper, and opening up and letting others read it….well let’s just say the thought makes me uncomfortable, scared in a sense. I’m scared that when my parents read it, they won’t like it, or else they’ll overanalyze it and wonder if the problems in the character’s life are my own. I also don’t like showing people my writing until it’s done.
I’m kind of obsessive about it, I know. But showing people my writing is not something I plan to do anytime soon. I’m a really good teenager, honestly, I am. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex. Anything. I’m just plain good. Writing though, is like my ‘troublesome side’. It’s not like I write about anything bad, it’s more the ONE thing that I keep from everyone. It’s like my not-so-dirty little secret. But it is a secret.
It’s my secret. Like teenagers who do drugs without their parents knowledge. That’s what my writing is for me. It’s my drug. Maybe someday I’ll be brave enough to share it with the world, someday it’ll be a more open and honest side of me. But for now, for now its my secret. Everyone may know I do it, but no one gets to see.
My writing; its my Secret, my Drug, my Everything.
Back to school.
It was most definitely a rotten day.
Mostly because as I woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm, I realized I was no longer on break and instead forced to return to school. 
My break had been so relaxing. I was honestly dreading the return to school.
I spent most of the first weekend and christmas with family, eating too much food, exchanging gifts, watching cheesy christmas movies, and playing in the snow. The rest of the week I was lazy in the mornings and in the afternoon I helped my dad in the shop as I tried to work off my ‘florida’ debt.
This past weekend my sister came home! Her and her fiance stayed from Friday night to Tuesday afternoon, and we spent most of our times playing board & card games, a personal family favorite, and just talking. On Sunday we actually went shopping and my sister found her wedding dress, and me and my other sister found our bridesmaid dresses. I’m really excited for the wedding even if it is going to be complete chaos.
Monday was New Years Eve, and just like every new years I invite some girls over for some ’slumber party’ type fun. I’m a goody-goody, through and through, and I’m really not that impressed with drinking, at all. So me and my friends usually just hang out have like a ‘girls’ night. Except two of my friends had to be retarded and came but ditched me for a party where they both got drunk and ended up in the ditch. They weren’t hurt, but they were wasted and retarded. It’s bad enough that they ditched me for drinking, and then was rude to my family when my parents asked where they were going, but then they go crash their car and get wasted. wow. winners.
My break was awesome, besides that.
I guess I’m just really not impressed with drinking right now. I don’t drink, ever, and I don’t plan to for a really long time, because I’ve seen the things it does to my friends, what can happen, and the results of it, and I just don’t think it’s something I want to do. I don’t care if my friends do it, if their responsible about it, but I guess it’s hard when your from a small town and EVERYONE does it and your just one of the rare few who makes the decision not to.
I still have alot of friends and I get along with everyone, but I know it’ll be a matter of time before I’m the ONLY one not getting into that stuff, and that’s when it’s going to suck.
Which is why I’m kind of considering Post Seconday Option right now. Just because I don’t believe the whole ‘high school scene’ is for me. I really don’t know, and it’s just so up in the air right now, but it’s definitley on my mind.
So back to school…..the day was long. The clocks were going backwards and I had to deal with a horrible teacher that I really can’t stand. Next year I’ll be able to take an online course and avoid her, but for the rest of the year I have to endure her and her antics. For example: she relates EVERYTHING as if we need it carefully explained to us like were five. I hate when people talk down to me, and she does it 24/ freakin 7.
Soooo I’m getting tired of typing and besides my break and my first day back, I don’t have much else to say. Hope everyones holidays were swell & hopefully [key word] I remember to write soon.
Lots of Love,
~thedreamergirl~
by the way. thanks landon for reminding me to write some more.
wow.
its been quite the pause since i’ve been on here.
& there have been quite a few changes. hmmmm…where to begin?
Well I’m a sophomore now. Class of 2010!
Heck Yeah. 
I turned 16 in September & I got my license the day after.
Driving really is one of the most AH-MAZING feelings in the world.
I love being able to control where I go, when I get there, & who I take w/ me…..
(even though, technically, im not allowed to have friends in my car. )
I also ran cross country this year.
& let me tell you. If you want a challenging sport that sends you over the edge and pushes you to your limits.
Join.
It’s hard. & It’s a lot of work.
But I have alot of fun w/ it & of course my friends, espiecally Ms. Mary Lou! *Love you*
Besides cross country & driving.
I have a boyfriend.
Finally.
His name is Austin.
& he is awesome.
Sweet. Cute. & Caring.
He makes me smile when no one else can.
The only problem with him is the fact that I promised myself I would NEVER fall head over heels for a guy.
And here I am, only 16, and I’m falling hard.
Crap.
I’m also still on the that life long quest it seems, to discover what I plan to do w/ the rest of my life.
What will I be?
Where will I live?
Where will I go to school?
etc. etc.
i like being able to plan things.
& i hate not knowing what the future holds.
well i guess its more of a love/hate relationship.
its amazing to wait and wonder.
but its awful not knowing.
you know?
i really wish their was a way, someone could just follow you for awhile, look you up and down, and simply say, ‘you should be a (insert career here)’
this would prevent this horrible time spent wasting away on my computer trying to discover what im truly meant to be.
im terrified to pick the wrong thing!!!!
& im hoping someday soon, ill either get a sign or ill just know.
hopefully.
here’s my update.
& i plan to return and give you more soon.
Lots of Love,
~thedreamergirl~
My New Obsession
Jon McLaughlin.
The most amazing singer/pianist ever.
He’s is amazingly talent & utterly gorgeous.
I quote love actually here,
“I love him. & true love lasts forever”
Also (quote from loveactually, altered for jon)
“& everyone loves him because he’s heaven.”
I’m utterly obesessed w/ this artist. & I have listened to all his songs on myspace a million times over & they never get old, mostly because I love them so. Industry. Human. & Beautiful Disaster. I’m getting his CD tomorrrow.
Listen to him. & I swear you will not regret it.
I’m at home on a friday night because…
I choose to be.
It’s not cuz I’m a loser or anything.
I was invited to movies/dates/friend’s houses.
But instead I choose to be home.
Why?
Because I like being here.
I like being alone at my house w/ my dogs on a friday night…
doing absolutely nothing
& just because I can.
I love it.
So I may not here the latest gossip or hit up the party of the year…
I’ll be okay.
Cuz I could care less.
Anyway.
International Studies
could be a bust.
I’m not totally sure yet, But I’m still checking it out.
I’m so confused.
Why can’t I just know what I want to do?
Why are there so many flippin options & I can never decide????
Ahhh.
On a brighter note.
I was babysitting today.
& made $65.00 for 8 and a half hours.
The lady told me she wants to pay me more then I get at my job because
she wants me to nanny full time next summer when I can drive.
Like drive the kids to t-ball & camp etc.
And she’ll pay me like that much daily.
Holy Fricken Crap.
Let me figure that out for a sec.
If I was was to work 5 days a week I’d get $325.00
1 month = $1,300
& in a perfect world if I worked all summer, 5 days a week:
$3,900
Omg.
I think I may know where I’m working next summer.
Well I’m out.
Gonna go chill out w/ my dogs & enjoy the silence of being alone.
Later.
~thedreamergirl~
Boredom, Death, & Faith.
& I hate being bored.
I really really do.
Boredom is like the empiphany of badness.
Because when I get bored, I think about all those things at the back of my mind that at any other moment in my life, I wouldn’t be thinking about. Like for example: death.
I’ve always been sort of scared to die.
It’s been this way since I was a little girl. I’m scared that when I do….its over. You don’t have thoughts or feelings anymore….
Everything is just…over.
And that thought is so very depressing.
& then at some moments I think of my grandpa and gosh, I know I’ll see him again someday. There is no doubt in my mind, that when its my time, I will walk again w/ him.
But when I’m bored, I think about these things, and they make me upset.
Like really upset.
& I hate being upset & so I hate thinking about death & I hate being bored.
But I do.
Think about death, I mean, because I get bored.
I wish I had a stronger faith in the lord, so I could be more positive and truthful with myself about the whole situation…..
I haven’t prayed in awhile.
Maybe I’ll bring out the bible & read a bit.
& then I’ll make a list of things i can do to keep myself from being bored.
& then i think i’ll pray to my grandpa. Cuz I miss him & cuz I know deep down, that when I move on, I’ll be w/ him. Forever.
Amen.
Children.
My first day of work at the daycare was today….and it went alright. They don’t have many new children besides an Ahdorable 8 week old, Liddy. Besides that tho, it was just the regulars, but I had an alright time. I honestly don’t think I’ll work for them next summer, but we’ll have to see…..
Well I found out today that the family I babysit for w/ 7 kids is expecting. Yet again. & I am very happy for them! I have been babysitting these kids since not last Jan. but the Jan. before, and I’ve really watched them grow up before my eyes. I keep wondering what this next baby will look like, and if it’ll be a boy or girl or what. They’re kind of like my lil brothers and sisters in a way because I’m around them so much (they have me babysit at least once every two weeks, and oftens times more!) so its kind of neat.
My mom & dad got on this lecture though, about how you can’t provide enough attention or nuturing for a family of like 5or bigger. And I don’t believe that. Not for a second. So I got in this argument w/ my dad about the whole thing, and in the end I got yelled at, but the bigger thing is the fact that I’ve always saw myself having a pretty big family. Not like crazily large like 8 or more. But I’ve always pictured myself with 4-6 kids, and my parents say unless I’m a full stay at home mom my whole life its not possible.
But I think they are ‘ye of little faith’. I have big career dreams too, but for a family, I would put those on hold in an instant, and while I wouldn’t necessarily want to be a full time stay at home mom, working part time would be perfect. I want a big family. I know I’m only 15.
I’ve got a long way to go.
But I LOVE kids, and I’ll see how it works out, but if I can provide for them and I have enough time, I believe 6 kids is just fine.
Ahhh….its just something that irks me.
I definetely think my dad is wrong.
But what’s new?
I always think he is.
Well I’m out.
Ttyl. Night.
~thedreamergirl~
Jamestown Story.
Yesterday was full of tears, knowing death has just been here. Always lost but no forgot, the pain controls my every thought. A new day’s battle has begun. All was lost and nothing won. I can’t wait to see the day when the tears all go away….
Jamestown Story sings that song ^ It’s a really amazing song actually. & It’s one of those songs you can (or at least I can) listen to over and over again. It doesn’t have any real siginificance to me. People have died in my life yes, but none remind of this song, and yet….it makes me sad inside….
Like its a song I would listen to if anything happened to any of my friends or my close family. It’s really beautiful.
Actually I like basically all of there music. Distant and Faded is also ah-mazingly awesome. I suggest you check them out for your self…..
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=4428482
You won’t regret it. I promise.
I’m feeling likeI should be anywhere but the computer right now and yet here I am typing away at the blog I’m slowly falling in love with.
Right now my main stress would be writing. It used to come so easy for me and I used to be really good and I could just write for hours at a time, now I can never think of what to write and I get so distracted so easily. It’s annoying. I wish I could write like I used to when I was younger.
I always wanted to be an author when I was younger and the past like two years where I knew it wasn’t going to happen my mom kept telling me I would become an author someday. I finally had to yell at her, I dont know if I was more mad that she kept telling people when I knew that dream was out the window, or the fact that I wanted it to come true so bad and I was so far
i love my B, pirates, & freedom writers
i went to my friend B’s house yesterday.
& first we went to the new pirates of the carribean movie. which was absolutely amazing. & while i wasnt exactly happy about the ending, we stayed for the credits and i pretty much nearly cried on the last ten second scene, w/ will, elizabeth, and their adorable son. i wish jack was captain of the flying dutchman, but i know everything couldn’t have worked out perfectly. :p although i wish it would.
then we…went back to her house, got some late night snacks and stuck in ’she’s the man’ which we watched til midnight, when we both go tired and went to bed. we woke up at nine-ish, hung out, ate some pancakes, talked, & then watched freedom writers.
which is my new favorite movie. & is absolutely ah-mazing, and i love. w/ a passion. its so real and honest and sooooo sad. both me, b, her mom, and sister cried. cuz it was just so good and so sad. i love it though. and when im in the mood ill give a more detailed review.
after that we talked upstairs w/ her sister for awhile, then we went on a four wheeler ride, had lunch, talked some more, and then we started freedom writers again (haha) and watched for about a half hour until they had to go to graduation parties, to which they invited me, but i felt to weird going to graduations when i didn’t know the people. so yeah.
now im back home. bored again. on the computer.
im so lazy.
ugh.
~thedreamergirl~
